Noticing what’s different about who I “be” in the world (MKE Week 4)

I’ve been blogging about some of my experiences with the Masterkey Course and mastermind group, and this week I am pausing to notice who I “be” in the world in relation to all that I’m learning, all that I’m doing (readings, meditation, writing) and all the habits I’m adopting and releasing. Just noticing what’s different.

Here are a few things I’ve been noticing:

I have more patience.

I notice myself having more patience with not knowing. I can get pretty frustrated when I don’t know how to do something, or when I run into a snag on a project, or when I have difficulty figuring out something — whether mechanical or technical (especially technical). I’ve had times when the frustration begins to spiral and pick up steam. However, this week not only is there no spiraling, but the frustration doesn’t last as long. I am more ok with not having an answer because I know that I will. 

If I break it down, the steps go something like this: 1) I run into an obstacle or something malfunctioning or something that’s difficult to figure out. It could be technical on my computer or phone. Or, I could run into a block coming up with a domain name that I like that’s not already in use. Or, it could be difficulty making a creative decision. Or I could have trouble figuring out something mechanical like how to load the paper towel dispenser in the dojo bathroom (Ahhh! That one always gets me!) 2) Emotions rise. I feel frustrated. 3) A little time goes by and… the frustration begins to lessen because I know that the answer will come. If a direct answer doesn’t come, resources to figure it out or solve the problem will come. Or, sometimes a creative solution will come. In whatever format, the answer will come. Or, at least, the answer that’s right for me in that moment of my life will come. So I relax a little more. I am OK with waiting. I am OK with not knowing… because I know that I do not know YET. 4) The frustration dissipates. I let go of feelings of impatience. I am patient.

I am more relaxed.

This is very similar to my first observation. In fact, all of my noticings are interrelated. Martial Arts has made me much more aware of my anxiety. In fact, I didn’t even think of myself as having anxiety before Martial Arts. In training, I started to become aware of when I wasn’t relaxed (because people told me repeatedly) especially when sparring. Because of this, I slowly started becoming more aware of when I wasn’t relaxed in my normal life. Slowly, I’ve started relaxing more in general, but this week I definitely notice a difference. This is taking me further.

To explain, I’m using the word “upset” because it is a vague ambiguous description of feeling, and I’m using it for just that reason. Upset can mean any number of negative emotions: hurt, angry, sad, frustrated, disappointed, etc. This week I am noticing that when I feel “upset” in response to a situation or event, those feelings don’t last as long as they sometimes did in the past. “Upsetness” comes up, but it begins to soften much more quickly. I go about my life and I notice that the “upsetness” has already begun to lessen. I notice I have begun to let it go. Whoa. What happened? 

In the past week, we’ve been practicing relaxing physically as we meditate, and what we practice eventually becomes habit. As we practice relaxing physically, we relax in other ways as well. I don’t think total relaxation is a habit yet, but it is improving! It has entered my subconscious. This week, there is an exercise to practice “letting go” of adverse emotions. When I practice letting go of these feelings as I meditate, I am practicing letting go in general. I am lodging this practice in my subconscious and “letting go” in my normal life becomes a little easier.

There is also an underlying trust that things are happening and flowing just as they should. I’ve believed — known — that we are spiritual beings for a long time, and I am very present to this now. I am present to being connected to, and at one with the Universal Mind; an individuation of Source. From this point of view, it seems unnecessary to hold onto these feelings or any form of “upset” for very long. I relax. It just doesn’t make sense for these emotions to stick around. It seems pointless to keep them. I let go. They begin to fade away.

I notice resistance.

In coaching, we talk about gremlins: those thoughts or fears that come up to stop us from risking something big, like our dreams. Resistance is like a gremlin and it has the same effect. Resistance rears its head to hold us back from something that would otherwise move us forward. We’re often not conscious of our own resistance, but this week, I am beginning to label more of my reactions, emotions, thoughts, and excuses as “resistance.”

• I notice when I don’t want to do something that is actually a part of my vision or larger purpose. When I step back, I know that this task will actually get me closer to something that I really do want! This is an easy one to label as resistance. I literally notice myself resisting something.
• I notice when I feel irritated about something that’s actually good for me or in my best interest. It’s usually irritation or mild anger at some little aspect of the situation. This also serves to hold me back at least temporarily.
• I’m also more aware that when I’m finding fault with something or making a judgment about it, the critique is often a form of resistance. It can be something tiny, seemingly insignificant, but if enough of these are found, a case could be made to avoid whatever I’m critiquing- that thing that would otherwise move me forward. This is a sneaky little form of resistance. 

So, this week I’m more aware of when these little situations occur. I’ve noticed myself labeling my own thoughts and feelings as resistance instead of brushing them aside. When I notice my feelings or behaviors as resistance, I can let them go. Poof.

I realize intentions with ease.

This one is super-fun to notice! I notice myself more often doing what I intend, without conscious or focused thought! I catch myself in the act, or I realize I have already done the intended action!… 

“Hey, I just did that thing I said I was gonna do!” 

I notice those moments when I realize something I thought would be a huge challenge to accomplish is currently being done or already has been done! These are such awesome noticings! Here are some fun “coincidences:” 

• Early on, I made a promise to complete an accounting chore. The next day, my accountant sent me a text, making it easier to complete the chore. 
• Next, I made a commitment to go through the clothes in my room. My teenage son actually offered to help! 
• Through some of our assigned readings, I had promised to devote time daily to directing my thoughts toward the person I aim to be, as well as to the development of self-confidence… Finding even a few minutes more per day to devote to any tasks seemed like a huge challenge. Well, a client of my pet business (who is a referral of a referral and has no idea what I would like) gave me a gift of a mala bead bracelet from her travels. With these beads, you are directed to touch a bead for each time you say a mantra, to complete a “set” of mantras. You repeat the procedure for several “sets.” I was doing this during daily doggy walks, and I started changing the mantra to what my intuition told me I needed. Suddenly I realized that through this, I was fulfilling my promises to devote time to self-confidence and being the person I aim to be! I let go of worry about how to get these done, and embraced my spiritual foundation. My subconscious (connected to the Universal Mind) found a way to help me keep my promises! How fun!

Again, it is only week 4 of a six-month course and mastermind group. And, these are only some of the things I’ve been noticing. So many learnings, insights, readings, discussions and meditations have contributed to these observations. At the base of them all — the base of patience, being relaxed, eliminating resistance and realizing intentions with ease — is letting go. 

Letting go, and being very present to spiritual connection. 

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay